Monday, July 29, 2013

THE FRIEND ZONE and HOW TO AVOID IT

WHAT IS FRIEND-ZONE?
Let me clear you all on this... it could be a guy or girl in the zone and not only a guy as many presume. A friend zone is a happy place for a girl. It’s a place where she and a guy can sit together and talk about anything and get real friendly with each other.
For a guy, a friend zone is the worst place to be in, especially when he likes the girl who behaves like a friend.
In a friend zone, the two involved friends of the opposite sex are just friends and nothing more. They project no sexual interest towards each other and behave in a completely platonic manner.
But can any guy ever be friends with a girl he finds sexually attractive? Or course not. He can try to be a friend with the hope of getting an occasional cuddle or a warm boob pressing hug now and then, but he’s always going to be just be a friend while she dates every other guy.
          
The friend zone is a tricky place to fall in.
You may be trying hard to get close to a girl, close enough to tell her that you like her, but one fine day she turns around and tells you that you’re such a great friend, or worse, you’re just like a brother to her.
Ever been there?
I hope you haven’t.

Guys find themselves falling into the friend zone almost all the time.
It’s frustrating and demeaning, and at times, inevitable.
You may get really close to a girl with all the hopes of getting into her pants, but somewhere along the way, you may have taken a few detours that led you right into the friend zone.
Before going further, I would like to define the friend zone again. Understanding the problem can help with the solution...
The "friend zone" refers to a situation where there is a mismatch in romantic feelings between two individuals. For example, sometimes this is a sexual attraction mismatch, where one person is interested in romance while the other wants to "just be friends". At other times, the friends are already sexually involved (i.e. friends-with-benefits), but there is a commitment mismatch, where only one person wants a "relationship" as a committed girlfriend or boyfriend.
Overall then, the friend zone occurs in relationships where both individuals' emotional needs are not getting met. Someone is not getting what they want and need. Because all good relationships are built from a mutually-satisfying social exchange and trade... friend zone situations ultimately don't feel very good.
Therefore, when someone gets stuck in the friend zone, they have entered into an exchange that is not fair or equal. The other person is getting everything he/she wants...but the person stuck in the friend zone is not fully satisfied. In a nutshell, the friend zoned person sold himself or herself short. They gave their "friend" everything, without making sure they got everything they wanted in return.

HOW GUYS END UP IN THE FRIEND ZONE




#1 The Fear of Rejection

       Another reason why people end up in the friend zone is that they are too afraid, uncertain, or passive. Many people approach someone they are attracted to as "just a friend" because it is easier and less emotionally-risky. In other situations, they may desire a committed relationship, but begin as a "hookup" or "friends-with-benefits" because that too is easier. In any case, these individuals begin the interaction by not clearly communicating what they want - and settling for less. Sometimes, this is honestly done out of insecurity. Other times, it is a bit "sneaky", using friendship to work their way in the "back door" - rather than simply facing rejection up front. No matter what the reason though, the process seldom works. Sure, there are exceptions of hookups turning into lovers, or "friends" blossoming into love, but those are rare - and usually involve some sort of mutual interest in dating to start.


Therefore, rather than getting stuck in the friend zone by being scared or devious, it is often more productive to state what is desired up front. It is better to make an even and honest trade. If the other person is not willing or interested, then it is better to simply walk away and find someone else who is. Deception doesn't avoid the friend zone...neither does settling for less than is desired.
Besides, asking for a date outright can be pretty successful. Research by Hald and H√łgh-Olesen (2010) found that 68% of single men and 43% of single women agreed to a date request by a stranger of average attractiveness. Therefore, with a little help, it is more easy and productive to simply ask for what you want up front.

# 2  Being a wuss

The final reason why people end up in the friend zone is because they are simply too nice. They do all of the work. They make all of the concessions and sacrifices. They make it very "easy" for the other person to be with them. In the process, they also tend to get taken for granted, devalued, and forgotten (Tosin sorry o). Put simply, people value what they work to obtain and invest in. They have more attraction and respect for individuals for whom they perform favors (Jecker & Landy, 1969). They also find relationships more valuable and commit more fully, when they invest in them in various ways (Coleman, 2009).

Therefore, by doing all the work, an individual puts himself or herself "in" the friend zone. When they do all the investing...they develop all of the loving feelings. The other person does not.

Thus, to avoid the friend zone, effort and investment must be balanced on both sides. Each person must give and contribute in equal amounts. Both people's needs must be satisfied at roughly equal measures. If the other person doesn't offer...then ask!





A guy falls into a friend zone for very obvious reasons. He behaves like a friend. And he never lets the girl know that he has more than friendly intentions on his mind.
And soon enough, the girl loses all realization of the fact that this guy has a package down there. And he just becomes another sexless thing she hangs out with all the time as a platonic friend.
So why do some guys end up as friends instead of boyfriends or sex buddies? Here’s why.
#3 They get too close. Getting too close to a girl on platonic grounds will never help you. You may assume that it’s the easiest way to get a girl to know you better. She’ll definitely get to know you better, but only as a friend.
#4 No sexual chemistry. If a guy likes a girl, he has to make it subtly obvious that he’s sexually interested in her. If a guy behaves like a pushover and a doormat, no girl will feel even a tingle of sexual chemistry. I've escorted my friend Oluwatosin (crawler) to drop off a girl he liked so much at another guys place. She called him up, asked him to come over and when he did....on her request we chauffeured her to this other guy... i felt like crying.
#5 The girl’s not attracted to the guy. This sucks, but this is the most common scenario. The guy’s probably creepy, annoying or just not good enough to be her boyfriend.

#6 The guy thinks she’s too good for him. At times, a guy may genuinely believe that the girl he likes is way too good for him. And instead of hitting on her, he secretly lusts for her, but gives up on pursuing her. Could you ever live with yourself by just being the friend of a sexy girl who dates every other guy but you? And while looking at her pix you probably beat up your manhood every night till it cries. (hahahaha)

 

#7 He plays the true friend card. It works in the movies all the time. The girl has a best friend who’s always there for her. She goes ahead and dates every single guy in the world, and finally, at the end of the movie she sees her true love in the form of her best friend. How touching! And that’s why they call it the movies. In real life, you can’t become a girl’s boyfriend just by behaving like a best friend.



 


HOW TO AVOID and GET OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE

It’s really easy to avoid the friend zone. All you need to do is drop a few hints now and then to let her know that you’re really into her. Use these easy tips to get the message across and get her to desire you while you’re at it.

#1  Flirt
The main difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship is intimacy. If she views you as a friendly person she can vent to about her problems you will remain in the friend zone, but if you start to make moves and flirt with her, she may start to show some interest with you. Ask her out on a date, this is especially useful in the early stages of the friendship, but may be awkward if you have been friends long-term.

  #2   Distance yourself and make her want you
Just like men, women want what they cannot have, which means if you are always at her disposal then you will remain just her friend. Try working out, build muscle, lose weight, and maybe even further your education to make her feel that you have more value. Keep your distance with her during your self improvement stage; this may make her approach you for a relationship instead of the other way around. However, if you stay there to talk to her as just a friend you will never be able to get out of the friend zone.

#3   Stop talking to her as a friend
     We have all been there, the girl talks to you about her relationship trouble, or her personal problems. She views you as a safe bet and does not want to ruin her friendship with you by complicating it; however, do you really want to hear about how the person she is dating has an amazing body, or do you want her bragging about you?

#4 Be a friend without behaving like her other friends. 
 Don’t talk nonsense for hours or spend time talking about her problems in life. Talk about places she visits, movies she’s watched, and her plans for the weekend. Talk date talk and she’ll sense the chemistry in the air.

#5 Try to talk to her when she’s alone. If her other friends are around, talk to her if you must or just avoid her. You can’t really hit on a girl when she’s surrounded by a bevy of friends.
But when you find her alone, make sure you turn on your charm and impress her. See her alone? Chat her up. And if one of her friends come by, grumble audibly in a funny manner and say something like “just when I thought I was going to get some alone time with you, this guy pops up out of nowhere!” and just laugh. She’ll be confused and wonder if you’re being serious or just joking.
But she’ll get the hint that you like spending time with her alone. Make it obvious that you like spending time with her in whatever way possible, but don’t ask her out or tell her you like her just yet.
#6 Compliment her when she deserves it. 
Flatter her pants off. If she looks good, tell her she looks hot. If you see a hint of cleavage and she catches you staring, just laugh, apologize and tell it you couldn’t resist it. Add a few funny sexual remarks and you’ll never get into the friend zone.

#7 Touch her and treat her like your girlfriend.
 But do it respectfully though. Clasp her hand while crossing the street and open doors for her when it’s just the both of you. Make her feel like a queen, and she’ll love the attention. But when her friends are around, don’t give her any preferential treatment. Let her realize that you’re special to her only when it’s just the two of you.
#8 Make her feel special and exclusive. 
Gift her something small and personal, but tell her to keep it a secret. When you create secrets, you build sexual chemistry and suspense which leads to romance.

#9 Ask her out and change the topic. 
When you’re talking to her for a while, ask her out for lunch or a few drinks. See how she responds. But within a second, change the topic. Don’t wait for her to answer. It’ll seem like a joke, but it’ll still make her wonder if you really do want to date her. Don’t make things awkward by waiting a while before saying something else. Keep it simple, keep it funny and yet reveal all the dirty thoughts in your mind, and change the topic immediately.

And i"ll talk to you again soon,
....... Your Friend 

.....LEONHART

BBM PIN:7F329CDD 
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e-Mail: chrisking4u@yahoo.com , lordcommanderleonhart@gmail.com                                              
                  
P.S (look below)




Saturday, July 6, 2013

ONE NIGHT STANDS


As the title suggests, I haven’t indulged in it (straight face) but I do know people, from both genders, who have, and it seems that a One-Night-Stand isn't as immoral or hurtful as most people perceive it. Here, from my limited understanding of this subject, I am trying to present the advantages that a One-Night-Stand is most likely to offer. AND this is from a non-religious standpoint so take note before you spit fire. Your comments, no matter how critical, are most welcome.

One-Night-Stands When You Cannot Handle Emotional Bonding at the Moment

For all those who have been through break-ups, heartbreaks and the heartache that follows would understand that there are phases in our lives when we don’t want to get emotionally involved. 

During such circumstances, the need of being physically connected to another human being, the craving to feel that raw bedroom passion still surfaces. In such a scenario, what possibilities do you have? Do you tell your hormones and your brain to mind themselves and just shut-up? Do you leave yourself frustrated which is bound to happen since you are denying yourself something that your mind and body yearn for? The solution to this seems like a One-Night-Stand. Since the groundwork and principles for it are already set, it ensures that you wouldn’t need to carry an emotional baggage. Since it is mutual, it is “expected” that your partner too is seeking something similar. So, if two, like-minded (Adult) souls gets connected, though for just a night, doesn’t seem like they are committing a crime.

One-Night-Stands When You are Invited to One
At least among the metros of our nation, women are equally sexually-aggressive. So, there is every chance that you might be asked to a One-Night-Stand. Here, some naysayers might say that the invitation itself could be morally flawed. The lady in question might be married, engaged or committed to somebody else. However, I would like to pose a question here? Unless the person with whom she is involved with is somebody known or close to you, do you really want to decode what has forced the lady to seek a One-Night-Stand outside her relationship? Since she is the one who has set things in motion and her man isn't someone with whom you share friendly or family relations, does the moral compass really point towards you? In my skewed opinion, it doesn’t. You have something to gain from this proposed, night of pleasure and you didn’t precipitate the situation, so the guilt should dilute itself away.

One-Night-Stands When Your Self-Esteem, Confidence Needs a Boost
Men are equally prone to having phases of low self-esteem and unexplained, depressive tendencies as women. The fact that men also suffer from hormonal mood swings has been established by medical researchers. Something similar could be a situation where you are struggling to uphold your self-confidence(ego)—the inherent feeling of cheerfulness has just deserted you. The absence of a girlfriend has further alienated you from the comforting support of a companion and the emotional highs of being sexually active.

Indulging in a One-Night-Stand seems to offer an instant solution to this. Some of the more suave or prudish men might take objection to it but most men like me would agree that a good performance in the bedroom and seeing that unmistakable look of absolute pleasure on a lady’s face tends to pump the male ego without any parallels. 

Like I said before, a One-Night-Stand is mutual and if you are able to solve your confidence issues from it and offer a night of pleasure to another human being, where is the shame in it? It has been medically established that sex is the strongest of natural antidotes for depression, anxiety, bodily pains and various illnesses. Here, having a One-Night-Stand almost equals self-therapy! 

And i'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend
LEONHART





Thursday, July 4, 2013

PROFILE PICTURE DO's and DONT's


      Am back Friends, sorry for leaving. On return i had to deal with tons of mails and requests.. And on this note...
If I see one more Facebook friend request by some shirtless dude posing in a bathroom mirror holding a camera phone I think I will organize an etiquette posse.  And ladies, please for the love of Snookie, stop with the full booty 
poses, puckered lips and stilettos.  Sure, Facebook is fun and should be a reflection of your personality, so if you are in no need of a job, shower, shelter or friends, then I guess that picture of you picking your nose won’t be such a big deal.  For the rest of us, looking good in those tiny little squares could be the difference between getting a job or landing a date.


If we’re to believe the marketing geniuses at Match.com, one in five couples now meets online. I’ve been looking, and dang, have we seen some messed up profile pictures. Listen, it’s sad but true, but your online dating profile pic can make the difference between somebody asking you out or moving right along. Women are superficial, they know these things and are guilty of passing on perfectly nice guys because they looked stanky in their pics. As such, we’ve come up with a simple list of dos and don’ts for both men and women to follow when selecting their all-important profile images. These suggestions have been culled with the help of our friends who have looked at countless online profiles, too, so they know what they’re talking about.

FOR GUYS

DON’T include photos of yourself with more attractive friends. Actually, try not to include pictures of yourself with friends, period. It just confuses women. You don’t want them inquiring after your friend Chris do you?

DON’T include photos of yourself with girls. Yeah, yeah, women get it: you want to prove to them that you’ve, in fact, touched a real live girl before. But that’s the thing — it’s so obvious that’s what you’re doing, that women see you as really desperate. 


DO include pictures of yourself with your pets — if they happen to be cuddly puppies or kittens. But probably leave the animal pics out if you happen to be a herpetologist or rat hoarder or something.


DON’T use a professional headshot. The only people who really want to date struggling actors are … nobody.

DON’T lead with your Halloween or team/school Mascot costume. They don’t know you. They don’t know if you as a giant banana is your Halloween look or just your average Tuesday.

DO include pics of yourself doing cool stuff. But not, like, 10 pictures of you playing in a band. Also, most girls over the age of 23 aren’t trying to get with a dude in a band. 

DO remember that girls pay a lot of attention to stuff like shoes — things that you probably don’t really think about. Wear good shoes in your picture.

DO include at least one mostly full body pic, otherwise they’re going to assume you’re hiding a tumor, or a tail or a bizarrely chubby leg….lol

FOR GIRLS

DON’T include a “quirky” photo of yourself with a fake mustache, or a mustache tattoo, or a mustache hat, or just no mustaches. Apparently this is a thing that lots of girls do — it must be the International Symbol for Manic Pixie Dream Girl or something. Just … don’t.

DON’T include photos you’ve taken of yourself in the bathroom mirror. It just seems sort of sad and pathetic. Don’t you do anything fun? Don’t you have exciting little candid moments in life? Come on! If not, grab a friend or roommate and fake it.

DON’T post a zillion pictures of yourself in a bikini — unless you’re looking to attract the type of juicehead dudes who are looking for girls who spend the majority of their days in bikinis. You reap what you sow — especially when it comes to online profile photos.

DO show a pic of what you look on the day-to-day. He’s going to find out anyway, and most guys would rather deal with reality than with some totally fake version of you.

DON’T post a prom pic, or some weird formal event picture. Are you a princess? No, you’re not, and he’s not going to expect to see you dolled up like one every day. Unless you are a princess, in which case, ignore this point and commence with the tiara.

DO include photos of yourself having fun, but like, not too much fun. Not falling on the floor, ass out fun. Keep it together, girl.

…………And just to add to this………

Take in (or take out) the light.
Lighting can be your best friend or your worst enemy.  Broad, flat lighting is what’s common for model photos, but for the rest of us mere mortals, it’s not for everybody, especially if you have an extra 20 to lose.
 Learn to channel the power of light and you’re more than halfway to picture-perfect.  if you have a wide face, introduce some shadows–it has a slimming effect.  If you have a narrow face broad light works well most of the time. (Ma’am take note).

Secondly, shots from under the chin are just bad, bad, and bad.  You lose the shape of your jawbone, see flaring nostrils and possible boogers.  Here’s an insider secret: point the tip of your nose to the center of the camera and it will always give you the best nose and jaw shots ( Snatasha take note).






Thirdly, Take a cue from models on this one–sit up straight and drop your shoulders.  “It elongates the neck and gives a regal look.












And i'll talk to you again soon...

Your Friend
LEONHART